A Cooking Lesson on a Boring Day
by UlquihimeAnCafeMatsuJun
Summary: Orihime is grossed out after seeing her lunch, so she gives a cooking lesson to the one who made it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All Bleach characters belong to Tite Kubo…darn.

Warning: OOC

Cooking on a Boring Day

It was a boring day in Las Noches. Almost every arrancar had no chores to occupy them, and had resorted to sneaking into the human world to play games and do karaoke. Everyone had a method of fun, except for poor Orihime. Her method of fun was counting sheep.

"Mou, I am so bored," Orihime said. She was currently twirling her hair, which had grown to reach just below her butt.

"Well, that's too bad, isn't it?" asked Ulquiorra, as he came in with her lunch. Orihime rolled her eyes. Ulquiorra didn't know the definition of being fun or bored. She took a glimpse of her lunch. It was a sandwich, with lettuce and some kind of reddish mush. She was, at the least, afraid to eat it. She understood how her companions felt now. At least the ingredients in her food were recognizable.

"What is this supposed to be?" she asked, unwarily eyeing the food on the tray.

"It's food,"

"Well, I could have answered that!"

"Then what is the problem here?" asked Ulquiorra. Orihime tried to find a polite way to say that the food looked terrible.

"That food looks gross," she said. At least she tried. "Did Grimmjow cook it?"

"No," was the deadpan reply.

"Szayel?"

"No."

"Was it you?"

"Yes," said Ulquiorra. Orihime blanched. The fourth Espada had some horrendous cooking skills. Was that even possible? After all, it was a simple sandwich. Even Rukia could make that on her first try.

"Ano, sorry," Orihime said. Ulquiorra just looked to her. Walking over to her in long, graceful strides, he said one thing.

"Can you teach me how to make a sandwich?"

Stay Tuned!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for waiting patiently!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Tite Kubo…lucky man!

Walking down to the kitchens was very quiet. Once, they had passed Grimmjow, who was seen leaving the kitchen with cat food. Upon arrival, Orihime was impressed. It looked like Iron Stadium in there! As usual, Ulquiorra had a bored and unexpressive look on his otherwise handsome face.

"This is your kitchen?" asked Orihime.

"Who else would it belong to?" asked Ulquiorra.

'Never mind,' Orihime thought. She simply went to the elephant- sized fridge and opened it. She took out bread, salami, mozzarella, olive oil, tomatoes, and basil. Walking back to Ulquiorra, she began to explain.

"First, we cut the bread."

"I never knew you had murderous tendencies, woman," said Ulquiorra.

"I don't."

"Then why are you cutting the bread?" asked Ulquiorra. "Isn't it considered murder when you cut something?"

"That's only when it is alive."

"Oh."

Orihime proceeded to slice the bread. After she had four sliced pieces of bread, she took a brush and dipped it in the oil.

"If you put too much oil, you will get fat," said Ulquiorra. Orihime was slightly put off by this. Olive oil was unsaturated fat, so it was pretty healthy. He was using oil to tell her she was fat! What nerve!

"If you keep talking, I won't be the prisoner here," said Orihime. She then took out some salami.

"You take the meat, and you put it in the sandwich?" asked Ulquiorra.

"Yes," said Orihime. "Where did you think it was supposed to go?"

"In the blender," said Ulquiorra. Orihime sweat-dropped. 'Oh, wow,' she thought. 'That's what the red stuff was.' She took out some cheese and put it on the meat, along with washed basil and sliced tomato. She then put it in the toaster.

" Ulquiorra, why was the sandwich you gave me wet?" she asked.

"I put it in the toaster over there," he replied, pointing to some object. It was the dishwasher.

"Ano, don't tell me that I have to teach you home economics as well," said Orihime. Ulquiorra had to be the worst housekeeper in the world.

"I can fold laundry," said Ulquiorra.

"Really?"

"Of course," he said. Orihime breathed in a sigh of relief. Until he said, "Underwear is the easiest and the only thing to fold."

"Eh?" asked Orihime. "Don't you fold anything else?"

"That's what servants are for." Moving on, she went to retrieve the sandwiches. After taking them, she stuck it on a plate and gave one sandwich to Ulquiorra.

"So, that's how you make a sandwich," said Orihime. "However, you can put a lot of different things to it as well….so long as it is edible and recognizable…..and you cook it in the right place.

"Thank you."

"So what else can you make?" asked Orihime. It was then she learned that Ulquiorra was full of contradictions.

"Duck confit, filet mignon, baked Alaska, lobster, casserole, and a lot of other things," replied Ulquiorra. "People always rate them at least four stars." Orihime had sweat-dropped even more. He could make duck confit, but not a mere sandwich? Well, at least he was cute. She simply pecked him on the cheek, picked up the plates, and stuck them in the sink.

"Don't the plates go over there?" asked Ulquiorra. This time he was pointing to the oven. 'That's why the plates are black….' thought Orihime.

"Ulquiorra, we have a lllooonnnggg way to go."

All done! If this story doesn't please you, I am sorry. If it did, I hoped you enjoyed. Please click the review button to deliver constructive criticism, opinions, etc.

No Flames! Flamers are meanies!o.o


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